Failure is not a Bad Word

“The courageous person goes into the unknown in spite of all fears.” -Osho

“If you’re not failing, you’re not trying hard enough.  Redefine what you think failure means.” -Jillian Michaels

“5, 4, 3........get up, Robin” said the personal trainer

“I can’t” I said in the midst of exercise fatigue

“Don’t say that, you just pushed your body to failure.  You can do it.  Failure is not a bad thing.  Take a break and we’ll start again.  5, 4....come on 5, 4......”

Who the hell does he think he is, calling me a failure.  “I don’t like that word”, I said.  

“It’s not a bad word.  It just means you’ve pushed yourself to the limit and your body failed, it gave up, which is what we are trying to do.  The next time, you will be stronger because of it.” he replied.

That gave me something to think about.  Being a thinker, analyzer and yogi, I look at what triggers me.  It could be a word, an attitude, or situation.  Then I break it down to see why it bothers me so much.Well, that day, I was convinced that the trainer was wrong, out of line, and ideologically base.  How could it be as simple as embracing failure?  

Later on that day I was watching The Biggest Loser reality show.  Yeah, I like it. Don’t judge me.  My favorite part is when the female trainer, Jillian, pushes her clients physically and then digs around for the emotional source of their weight gain.  Think exercise psychotherapy.  She pokes, provokes, confronts their issues and then elevates them so they can separate from the issue.  In this particular episode she ran her client on the treadmill so long, the client was pushed to tears and Jillian asked her, “what are you so afraid of?”.  And the client replied, “I’m afraid of failing.”  To which Jillian replied, “We all have failed at some point.  It’s okay to fail as long as you’re trying.  If you’re not failing, you’re not trying hard enough.  Redefine what you think failure means.”

Whoa...failure twice in one day?  I knew it was more than a coincidence.  So I delved deeper into it.  What does failure mean to me?  It means public embarrassment, making mistakes, stumbling around in the dark, and well, you know, FAILING!  Nobody wants to fail.  But the aforementioned personal meanings of failure are all centered in fear and simply protect my precious ego.  The result is a risk-less life filled with ‘what-ifs’ and ‘I should ofs’. 

So, the next time I am fumbling around in the dark, teaching a class differently, or simply doing stomach crunches, I will embrace failure; and know, that it is a necessary part of pushing past blocks to create room for a new way of being to flow.  

Looking in the Mirror: A Year of Teacher Training

I'm back!  It's been a while since I've authored a blog post....about 9 months.  We all have finite amounts of time and much of mine was occupied as a pre-applicant in Yoga Yoga's 200-hour Kundalini Teacher Training Program.

The last time I was in teacher training, I was the student.  I watched my teachers intensely, trying to identify what made them so...well, cool.  And now, with the tables turned I am sitting on the other side of the room, among my teachers.  I saw the reflection of who I was when a student in teacher training - intense, inquisitive, and at times, overwhelmed.  


As an intern this year I felt, well, intense, inquisitive and at times overwhelmed!  Each weekend I learned a lesson and watched my teachers share the same information I received when training to be a teacher.  Yet now, there is an added depth.  It's funny how the same message can affect you differently depending on where you are in life.

The students themselves showed me where I was four years ago, and themes that I can work on now.  

So, in many ways they acted as a mirror, showed me my true colors. And in that way, they were my teachers.  At the end of it all I learned two very important things:

1.  The "cool factor" that my teachers posses comes from their personal practice.  So, it is attainable through practice.

2.  No matter what side of the classroom you are on -- we are all teachers and students, learning and supporting each other. 

Kundalini Teacher Training Class 2011-2012